To the Guy in the Jeep Who Tried to Take Out My Car

To the Guy in the Jeep Who Tried to Take out My Car,

I was considering making my left-hand turn when you came up behind me, and decided to blow by into the Fortinos plaza. I'm glad I was smart enough to take an extra half-second, and check my mirror. You do realize you came quite close to taking out part of my car, don't you? Believe it or not, I actually like my car. Not only did my own money buy it when I was 19, but it's a manual transmission, and the world knows I just love my standard vehicles. I know you were wanting to make an impression, however Sweet Cheeks, you really didn't impress me much. Actually, you didn't impress me at all. But, I guess you were in a rush. The supermarket being open late and all, you clearly needed to speed in and try to crash into people hours before it closed. Don't worry. I understand. You were just in a hurry to go nowhere fast.

I'm guessing no one ever told you the big rule about driving. No, it's not ensuring that your seat belt's fastened, which I doubt yours was, or understanding the right of way, which you clearly don't, oh no. The big thing with driving is that it isn't a right, but a privilege. It's more so an over-sized allowance. In your case, your allowance is a dark green Jeep Grand Cherokee with stickers all over the back window, and some ugly-ass hunk of junk tied on top. I'm still undecided as to whether or not that hunk of junk was extra crap or your brain (my money's on your brain).

Well, Jeep driver, that's about all I have to say to you. I can tell you have a thing for speed. Luckily for you, if your display earlier this evening is any indication of what the rest of your driving is like, you'll get to go speeding away to the nearest hospital in an ambulance. Or, if you're even luckier, you'll get a lesson in snail speed, and get carted of in a hearse. I know. Both options are quite exciting. Keep it up, and you'll get to experience either or both of them first hand!

Sincerely,

The Driver in the Blue Saturn SL Who Thinks Your Stupidity is Compensation for an Itty-Bitty Brain and Even Tinier Pee Pee.